Author: Wendy Chalk

Much has been said in the press in the last few days about the therapist who faces being struck off by the BACP (the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy) for her Christian-based agenda and way of working which includes helping gay men to become straight.

There are several things that concern me here.

Whilst I am not accredited to the BACP and so I do not have a knowledge of their training and ethical requirements, my own hypnotherapy and NLP training taught me to have a client-centered approach and to work with the client’s own belief system and view of the world.  If this belief system is causing problems for them, then as a therapist I have duty of care to find ways work with this in order to help them to move forward.

As therapists, we are not just 2-dimensional – we all have our own set of beliefs whether these be religious, political or otherwise but it is very important that these beliefs are not foisted onto the client.  In the treatment of often very vulnerable people, the utmost care must be taken to remain non-judgemental whilst at the same time focussing on how best we can help the client to move forward.   Mrs Pilkington, the counsellor in question, has an absolute right to her own Christian beliefs, but she has duty of care to her clients to treat them according to her Association’s ethics.

What troubles me is that the BACP is launching disciplinary proceedings against her, accusing her of ‘praying to God to heal’ her client and having an ‘agenda that homosexuality is wrong’ but have only just found this out about Mrs Pilkington.  She has apparently been using her ‘Sexual Orientation Change Efforts’ programme for the last ten years.  Does the BACP not have a system whereby counsellors are regularly checked to make sure that they are undergoing supervision themselves from another counsellor as well as undergoing continuous training? 

My Association, the National Council for Hypnotherapy (NCH) regards regular supervision as well as cpd (continuous professional development) and also support from a peer group as an important part of membership.

Whatever your beliefs and opinions are about this case, the important thing here is that the organisations like the BACP that give license to therapists to practice are making sure that their members are regularly checked and supervised, so that it is clear that they are abiding by their code of practice.  This is the very least they can do in order to protect members of the public, who are putting their trust in us as therapists.

I am pleased about the government’s latest proposal to extend the retirement age beyond 65.  Whilst I realise that not everyone wants the opportunity to continue working, I feel that people who are keen to carry on should not be stopped from doing so.  Very often older people have a wealth of experience and a whole range of skills that have been built up over time, and I believe that this is to be valued and nurtured.  Being able to feel that your life still has meaning and purpose is essential is retaining self-esteem and a positive outlook.

My mum and dad are both in their mid 80s and have certainly had their fair share of health problems, including heart disease, cancer, failing eyesight and IBS, to name a few, yet they remain unerringly positive and cheerful and the reason for this, I believe, is that they still have active and meaningful lives.  Whilst having long ago retired, they are constantly busy with gardening, cooking, reading, sewing and knitting as well as being fully involved with their families and friends.   They have a ‘young’ outlook on life, and enjoy tuning in to such programmes as the new Matt Lucas & David Walliams series ‘Flylo’ and ‘I’m a Celebrity, get me out of here!’  My son who is 14 years old and attends school quite near to where my parents live goes to their house every lunch time for ‘the best cheese toasties ever’.  Word has now spread round his friends, and so there is now quite a crowd going to mum and dad’s house for their toasties.  It is now a regular part of my mum’s day to prepare Joe’s toasties, and both she and my dad look forward to the daily lunchtime visit of my son and his group of friends.  They love doing this, and feel that it keeps them young and in-touch.

Whatever you chose to do in later life (whether this be paid or voluntary work or helping out with the family), it can really add meaning and richness, beyond what material wealth can give you.

With many more of us expected to reach 100, it is important that we place an emphasis on how to remain positive into old age, as this, I believe, has a profound bearing on physical as well as mental health.   Feeling needed by others and finding one’s role in life undoubtedly has a big part to play in this.

In my last blog issued just before Christmas, I spoke about the idea of self-limitation – voluntarily choosing to limit one’s own choices and excesses, with this having the effect that life becomes simpler, calmer and more balanced.  You may be wondering what I was going on about, after all its Christmas, and everyone goes overboard at Christmas, don’t they?

Well, now I am going to go against the grain again, as for New Year I am going to be urging you to ‘start something new’ as opposed to the usual idea of giving something up.    This could be as simple as teaching yourself how to make bread or, more ambitiously starting up a new business.   Anything that you feel that you have always wanted to do, give it a go!   I have been promising myself to take up singing lessons for ages, and have now decided go for it.

The New Year is a great time to get those creative juices flowing and take up a new skill or hobby.   It does not have to be expensive or time-consuming, and scientists have proven that using the creative part of the brain is a great form of stress relief, and also helps to shed light on other areas of our lives that may be giving us problems.  In addition, by achieving our goals (however small) this can contribute significantly to our confidence and self-esteem levels.

If you feel that you really want to take up a new skill, whether this be learning tarot, tile-laying or table tennis, then start now!   And if you feel you really need a little bit of ego-strengthening beforehand, I would be pleased to see you to discuss how hypnotherapy and NLP can help with confidence.  See the contacts page on my website http://www.wendychalk.co.uk/.

I’ll let you know how I get on with the singing – don’t forget to look out for me on X-factor….

At a time of year when excess – eating, drinking, spending money – is not only allowed, but encouraged, I start to wonder what effect this has on our well-being.   During difficult economic times, it can perhaps be liberating to think, to hell with it, its Christmas, I am going to relax and enjoy myself.   And by enjoying ourselves, we usually mean forget about waistines, diets, credit card debt etc.   However, I wonder if it is possible to think about ‘different’ ways of finding enjoyment and happiness, other than the usual self-indulgent, expensive and unhealthy routes.  

Inspired by an article I read recently, I have been pondering on the ways in which, by limiting our choices and our excesses, we can actually lead much happier, and more fulfilling lives.    We are bombarded daily with both choice and abundance, and this can make us feel quite overwhelmed.

I have started using limiting techniques, which I have found are making my life so much simpler and less stressful.   By actually narrowing down my options – and this can be when it comes to choosing which shop to go to, or deciding what to eat, or which product to buy – I have found that I am able to make decisions much more quickly and easily.   In addition, by limiting myself to less – for example not forcing myself to eat huge meals simply because it is ‘that’ time of year – I feel so much better, more energised, but relaxed at the same time.   Bizarrely, I also find that I am enjoying the ‘special’ moments in my life more – my son getting a standing ovation in the school concert for his piano performance counts as one – now that I am using this self-limiting technique.

Try to employ self-limiting techniques in all aspects of your lifeover Christmas, and I will guarantee that you will feel calmer, more relaxed and at peace.  Have a good one.